Just finished watching one of my favorite movies of all time. Watched it in memory of Matt. When Mary Lou called me to tell me of Matt's death, as I hung up the phone I could not get this image of the last scene of this movie out of my head. So I wanted to watch the movie over again to really feel it. Here is the last scene.
Oscar is given a gold ring on behalf of all the Jewish people he saved. The gold was donated from the tooth of one of those Jew's he saved. The ring has an inscription which reads "HE WHO SAVES ONE LIFE SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD".
Schindler responds to this gift with the following words spoken as he cries. "I could have gotten more out. I could have got more. If I just…I could have got more. "
He is comforted by one of the people he saved who says, "There are 1100 people that are alive because of you."
To which Schindler replies: “If I had made more money. I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I had just…I didn’t do enough. This car. Why did I keep the car? 10 people right there. 10 people. 10 more people. This pin. 2 people. This is gold. 2 more people. He would have given me 2 for it. At least one. One more. One more person. A person is dead for this (ring) . I could have gotten one more person and I didn’t (breaks down crying collapses) and I didn’t."
Now I see, choose to believe, that God gave me this image upon hearing of Matt's death. I felt the exact same way back then. The difference for me is that I quickly realized that blaming myself for what I did not do would not honor Matt, nor would it honor my love for Matt. But what I can do is honor my love for Matt by making more of a difference on this planet while I am here. Not out of guilt though. NOT driven by guilt! But out of my love for my friend.
The first words Schindler spoke I now see were my immediate thoughts. If I had more money. I threw away so much money. If I just had more money. I will never forget this one particular session Matt and I had when he was doing well. He told me he wanted to do the work I do in schools to prevent and help kids with addictions. I told him we would do it but because I did not have the money to cover his transportation costs to the gigs, let alone hire him to do anything with me just yet, we would have to wait.
I also remember a time when he wanted to be intensively coached by me, but I did not have time because I was too busy trying to make money so I could pay my bills. Matt also lived about 3 hours away by transit. I remember back then, because he was family to me, wishing I had enough money that I could have him live with me for a month. Take care of his meals and give him a place to stay. But I figured we had time. I figured when he had one year clean, I would have more money, and then I could have more time to help him and train him to do the work I do. The work I do which saves and gives me my life. The life he wanted for himself. The work I believe would have done the same for him.
So it is out of my love for Matt, that I continue the work I do, but in his name with a greater sense of urgency to create the prosperity we need to hire other young people like Matt to deliver our program, to save others and thereby save themselves.
This I do, in honor of my beloved (and I am crying again), my beloved brother and friend, Matt Kloucek. Your love and life lives on through me and, through so many countless others.
Talk to ya soon bro!